


i know i’m not as cool as i try to be

by digitaldruglord



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Hurt/No Comfort, M/M, Ouma is dead, Spoilers, There’s rain, and depression, hi rachel, saihara suffers, um its not really like someone Dies its more like talk of a dead person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 11:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20435591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/digitaldruglord/pseuds/digitaldruglord
Summary: ouma is deadsaihara visits his gravedon’t open boxes in your closeti’m sorry if it sucks i have the writing skills of a 5 year old





	i know i’m not as cool as i try to be

He knew he shouldn’t have looked in the closet.

It had been a terrible day. Today marked the 5 year anniversary of the killing game that took the lives of his friends and his boyfriend. Shuichi Saihara knew that he shouldn’t have gone out today, knows it was a stupid idea to even consider leaving his apartment. As he walked to the flower shop, he knew he had time to just turn back on his heel and return to the comfort of his bed. Still, he continued walking and purchased a bouquet of bellflowers. He ignores the sad look the florist gives him.

He didn’t know when he started this tradition, nor why he kept it. All he knew was that he had to do something to remember the boy he had loved with his entire heart. Walking through the streets of the city, he doesn’t fail to notice the pitiful glances that people throw his way. He pretends not to see them and continues walking, dusting off his black suit. The skies start turning gray and Saihara curses himself for not bringing an umbrella. He knows he can still say fuck this and go back home, but he doesn’t.

He reaches his destination, stopping for a minute to look at the big ugly sign stating “Welcome to Dolorem Cemetery”. He smiles grimly, remembering the meaning of the latin word before stepping into the graveyard. He walks around, looking at the names on the stones as he passes. He wonders if any of their loved ones have traditions like his as well. He walks up to the one he knows like the back of his hand and kneels down by it.

_Kokichi Ouma_, it reads. He gently traces over the name with his fingertips. Taken too soon, says the text under Ouma’s name. He chuckles bitterly, thinking about just how _soon_ he had been taken. He places the bouquet on top of the ground, hoping that Kokichi knows that he hasn’t been forgotten. He stands back up, dusting off his pants and holds back the tears that threaten to come out.

On his walk home, he buys something to eat. He wonders if Kokichi would have asked him to cook instead of eating out. He can almost hear the “_Saihara-chan, don’t eat too much greasy food~!_” in his head. He pushes the thought back and quickly finishes, stepping back into the street. As he’s getting near his building it starts to pour.

“Just my luck.” he states as he tries to avoid getting soaked. He fails, stepping inside the building drenched to the core. He wanted to go up the elevator but the big **Out** **of** **Order** sign destroys his hope. He trudges up the stairs and fumbles with the key due to his wet fingers. Once inside, he takes off his shoes and heads into the bathroom to take a warm bath.

While drying off, he looks around his dull apartment and decides to clean up the clothes that were strewn all over the place. After cleaning up the living room, he decides to head back to his room. In the gray bedroom, he tries to distract himself so he doesn’t have time to think about what living with Ouma would have been like.

He opens up his closet and looks around. Stumbling upon a box, he decides to open it up to see what he could have possibly stuffed in there. He regrets the decision immediately, his eyes landing upon a checkered bandana. Gingerly, he pulls it out, feeling the soft material with his fingers. He falls to his knees, the tears he had been trying so hard to hold back finally rolling down his cheeks.

He thinks about Ouma, what waking up to him would have been like. He pictures the soft purple hair surrounding his angelic face as he slept, all traces of stress and trauma nowhere to be seen. He thinks about how beautiful he would have looked as he opened his eyes, looking only at Saihara. _He_ _misses_ _those_ _eyes_.

He thinks about how Kokichi would come back from work, complaining about how some stupid customer held him back for 30 minutes after closing time. He thinks about how he would have comforted him, telling him he’s just glad that he’s home. He would listen to Ouma rant about customers and his boss and everyone else. He can see Kokichi turning to look at him and asking him to guess how much of that was a lie. _He_ _misses_ _Ouma’s_ _voice_.

He thinks about how he would take Ouma out on the best night of his life. A beautiful day with trips and touring and at the end of the day, they would get home tired. He thinks about how he would have Kokichi just where he wants him before getting down on one knee and pulling out a box with a ring and asking Ouma to marry him. He can picture Kokichi’s eyes being wide open before smiling at him and saying yes. _He misses that smile._

Shuichi can’t stop crying as he holds the bandana to his chest, heavy sobs escaping his mouth. He knows that he shouldn’t have left the house. He knows he should have stayed home. He knew all of this before he even got out of bed, but his biggest mistake?

_He knew he shouldn’t have looked in the closet._


End file.
